Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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