You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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