Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
