it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
