Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
