she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
