she woke up with a sticky ear
lets start a swedish sibling band together
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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