man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
