just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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