I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
