ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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