??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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