I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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