you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
