I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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