I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
