Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
