if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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