Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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