My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
