friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
