Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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