last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
