Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
