I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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