somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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