Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That accounts for only three of the penises
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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