Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
