I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
