So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every concussion has its silver lining
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize