i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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