You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
