I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
