She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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