You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
