Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
