I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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