i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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