is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
