just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
