cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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