you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
