Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
