he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
