I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
