Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
