I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize