I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
