she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
