Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
