hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
