Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
