BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
