I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
