I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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