He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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