also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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