And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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