i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
