My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
