Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
