I just threw up on my dentist
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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