She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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