To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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