"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize