dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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